Everybody Loves Betty: Courageous Acceptance, Holland, and a Life Lived Beloved
Last week, I reread the latest CaringBridge update from my friend Betty’s sister, Mary Jo. She closed with a simple line that has become a familiar refrain: Everybody loves Betty. Every time I see it, I pause; not out of surprise, but out of recognition. Those words capture something essential about how Betty Harris lives: with kindness, humor, curiosity, and a presence that makes others feel seen, heard, and valued.
When I asked Betty if I might write about how her life reflects so many of the themes at the heart of thriving in the third period of life, the subject of my book, she said yes. And in that moment, I knew what this piece needed to be: what Positive Psychology calls a gratitude letter, an offering written while someone is here to receive it, a way of naming the truth of a life still being lived.
This blog post is my gratitude letter to my friend Betty. She is, for me, what Tom Rath describes as a “Vital Friend.” I share this publicly because Betty, as she always has, models the way, a way we can all learn from.
Life’s Unplanned Landings: From Italy to Holland
More than thirty-five years ago, when Betty’s first son was born with complex medical needs and given a prognosis he has long outlived, someone sent her Emily Perl Kingsley’s essay Welcome to Holland. The essay describes expecting a long-planned trip to Italy but landing instead in Holland, naming the disorientation of arriving somewhere you never intended to go, and still discovering beauty, meaning, and love.
Six years later, when my niece was born, and my brother and his wife were facing their daughter’s early medical challenges, Betty sent the same poem to me, an offering from someone who understood how disorienting those early days can be.
This is the way Betty approaches life: she metabolizes difficulty into wisdom and shares it generously, without fanfare. “Holland,” a place we never planned to land but eventually learn to cherish, became part of our shared vocabulary. A reminder that even in the life we didn’t expect, there are windmills, tulips, and a recurring rhythm of grace.
Betty has returned to Holland more than once. And each time, she builds something beautiful there. And on my own detours, she has been right beside me as I learned to adapt.
Courageous Acceptance, Not Resignation
Over the past fourteen months, as Betty has navigated stage IV cancer, I’ve seen the same qualities that shaped her earlier responses to life’s challenges: clarity, steadiness, humor, and a refusal to be defined by circumstances she did not choose. She faces reality without flinching, but also without surrendering the meaning, agency, and hope that Viktor Frankl described as the irreducible freedom of the human spirit.
She chooses how she will proceed. She cannot always change the circumstances, but she retains complete autonomy over how she responds.
When a recent hospitalization prompted difficult decisions, Betty chose to focus her time and energy on the people she loves most rather than ongoing treatment. It is not giving up. It is choosing with intention. As I reminded her recently, she gets to define the terms of her own story. In fact, I told her, you are the Boss—be the Boss. And if anyone has questions, direct them to me. She smiled an unmistakable Betty smile, blending humor, clarity, and acceptance all at once.
For years, Betty and I have had a recurring debate about who “models the way” for whom. I’d insist she was my example; she’d insist it was me. Recently, we agreed to call it even. (Although I did buy her a mug that says “best person ever,” and since she’s the one holding it, I consider the case closed.)
Hope in Action: Pathways, Agency, Humor
Hope theory describes hope not as simple optimism but as a dynamic process involving:
- Goals
- Pathways (finding ways forward)
- Agency (believing we can act meaningfully)
Across her life, Betty has embodied hope in motion. She is endlessly resourceful, thoughtful, creative, and practical. She finds pathways where others see walls. She makes daily choices, small, human, ordinary choices, that affirm her agency even in difficulty. And she brings humor into almost every space she enters, not as a distraction but as a way of making room to breathe.
Hope is not the absence of pain. It is the courage to keep imagining good. Betty has done this for decades.
Relationships, Generativity, and Legacy Already in Motion
If you examine a life through the lens of generativity, how one invests in others, Betty’s legacy is already visible and abundant.
She is a devoted mother, partner, sister, colleague, mentor, and friend. Her pattern has always been to show up: in the moments of celebration and in the moments when life is stubbornly difficult. She has a gift for knowing what uniquely matters to each person, a quality that has strengthened every workplace, friendship, and community she has touched.
It has strengthened me time and time again.
Her legacy lives in her children, in their courage, humor, and resilience. It lives in colleagues she has mentored. It lives in the friends, family, and loved ones who feel steadier and wiser because of her presence. It lives in the countless small acts of kindness she offers without announcement.
And it lives in the chorus of people who instinctively speak the truth: Everybody loves Betty.
Beloved on the Earth
The final chapter of my upcoming book opens with a poem quoted in James Ryan’s Wait, What? based on Raymond Carver’s “Late Fragment”:
And did you get what
you wanted from this life, even so?
I did.
And what did you want?
To call myself beloved,
to feel myself
beloved on the earth.
For Betty, this is not a question deferred. It is a truth already lived. She is beloved, not because life unfolded easily, but because of the way she has moved through it: with humor, generosity, strength, and the grace of showing up again and again for others.
And, by the way, life rarely unfolds with ease for any of us. We likely would never know our potential without the challenges we face and the choices we make.
An Invitation
In honoring Betty, I find myself returning to a few questions her life continually evokes:
- Where has life landed you in your own “Holland,” and what unexpected gifts have revealed themselves there?
- What does courageous acceptance, not resignation, look like in your season of life?
- What small, relational choices today continue your own legacy of being beloved?
And one more, prompted by writing this gratitude letter:
- Is there someone in your life, a vital friend, steady presence, or companion through joy and difficulty, who deserves a few words of gratitude while they are here to hear them?
Positive Psychology calls this a gratitude letter, but really, it is simply a way of leaving nothing important unsaid. It need not be long or polished. It only needs to be true.
I do not know how to imagine my life without Betty in it. She has been part of most of my adult chapters, every role change, every family milestone, every period of uncertainty, and every season of joy.
And through all of it, she has been beloved.
¹Raymond Carver, “Late Fragment,” in A New Path to the Waterfall (Atlantic Monthly Press, 1989). I first encountered this poem through James E. Ryan’s Wait, What? And Life’s Other Essential Questions (HarperOne, 2017), whose reflections prompted my own interpretation here.
So powerfully written. What a gift this blog is to others. Thru your writing Betty will touch the lives of many and it is a gift to say that I one of the lucky ones that can say I love Betty.
Thanks, Glenn. You and Betty share that rare gift of presence, humor, and courage; the “we can get through this” way of showing up and being that touches people deeply. Betty’s gifts have shaped our lives and continue to ripple outward. I’m glad we’re both among the lucky ones.
I love this Gordon..And I love Betty. You laid out so well how so many feel. And the teachers are everywhere. Thankyou, and thankyou Betty for sharing. Deep Bow, Gratitude and so much love flowing her way
Thank you, Jessie. I appreciate your words, especially given your long connection with Betty. I love how you capture it, “teachers are everywhere,” and how that aligns with the idea that teachers appear when the student is ready. Values-aligned daily choices, courage, and friendship leave a legacy.
Thank you for posting this Gordon. Through the years, I have listened to Betty talk about your friendship. The two of you have a special bond! My sister is truly a treasure to so many people! This is written beautifully about her! Again, thank you!
Mary Jo, thank you. When people stay, show up, and love us as we are, friendship becomes family; that’s been my experience with Betty. And the family that does the same becomes our most faithful friends. “Everybody loves Betty” is a truth you gave all of us language for. Your Caring Bridge updates have been a gift.
What a wonderful tribute to a dear friend. How lucky you are to have such a friend.
Aren’t we fortunate to have friends in life? Friends like Betty bring fun to the journey and steady support for the rough patches along the way. In the third period of life, in particular, friends are a key ingredient of the strong social connections required to age well.
Thank you, Gordon, for writing so beautifully and eloquently what an impact Betty has had on so many lives and the role mode that we all can admire and aspire to be.
Aren’t we fortunate? You and Betty not only brought fun and joy to work, but we also became lifelong friends. And, a gift we carry is the wonderful memories we share..
Gordon,
All of this rings true about our friend and colleague Betty. Thank you for the reflection. We all love Betty.
John, thanks for your comment. Betty has let her life speak, and we are the beneficiaries.
Gordon, this is beautifully written and reminds me of the metaphor that speaks of our lives, words, and actions as a stone thrown in a pond creating ripples of effect that one may never know. What a gift to reflect on the ripples of Betty’s life that have touched you and so many of us others. Thank you.
Kathy, your metaphor of ripples radiating outward is a terrific reminder of the power of choice. We never fully know the impact of our choices. From the wonderful comments from “everybody who loves Betty,” it is apparent she has chosen well. I am grateful for your friendship through the same 35-year period; we all met within weeks. Who knew compensation expertise was a connector of lifelong friends??
Gordon, thank you for sharing. Betty is truly a force, and you captured the essence of her stamina and character beautifully in your message. Her strength, grace and intentional choice to prioritize time and connection continue to inspire all of us. We all love Betty!!
Ginny: You phrase it so well, stamina and character combined are how Betty approaches life, work, and leadership. I am grateful for the memories and accomplishments from the 90th & Fort days … and beyond.
This beautiful tribute to Betty has inspired me to reach out to all of those I hold dear to let them know how beloved they are and how much their kindness, caring and compassion have helped me when I unexpectedly landed in “Holland” and how much I appreciate their presence in joyous times of celebration. Thank you for sharing these heartfelt thoughts about your dear friend. As Glenn mentioned, they will touch so many who will not have the privilege of knowing Betty personally.
Christine: This is wonderful and exactly the type of ripple effect that both Betty and Glenn have in life. They show up with courage and authenticity, and then fantastic ripple effects occur. I am so happy to hear that you decided to share gratitude with those in your life who are beloved. Expressions of heartfelt gratitude benefit the giver, receiver, and many others. Warm regards.
Beautifully said, Gordon. Reading your gratitude letter lifted me from my present, swirling thoughts to a place of quiet reflection. We can all benefit from Betty’s example and grace: ‘not because life unfolded easily, but because of the way she has moved through it.’ I’m grateful for Betty’s spirit and I didn’t even have the privilege of meeting her. Wishing you peace.
Anne:
Thanks for your kind comments. I am so glad you had the chance to “meet” Betty through the blog—her choices in responding to how life unfolds model the way
Exceptional writing. And as for Betty – just an exceptional individual. At a time in my career when I was at a crossroads, Betty took the time to mentor me and moved mountains which allowed me to stay in my position for several more years. Later, she hired me as a consultant for some special projects. I will never forget her kindness.
Rich, thank you for sharing the specific examples of Betty Harris in action. Betty’s compassion and care helped her, time and again, find solutions that worked for the individual and the organization. We were lucky to work with her, and both were beneficiaries of her kindness